If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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