You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you never un-have a 4some
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
