I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
