yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
