This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
