I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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