She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
