I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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