he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
