Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
