I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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