shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
