Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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