we have officially lost it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
