she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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