Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want nice things and good sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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