when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
