That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
