the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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