how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
