Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
