I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
