clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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