Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
