I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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