i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
