Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
