we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
