Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
