You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
