that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
