my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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