I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want nice things and good sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
