I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
