We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm going to jail i love you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
