If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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