matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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