I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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