I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
