So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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