Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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