I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
