I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
