just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
