I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
