Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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