i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
