and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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