I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
