So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
