I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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