I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
