the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
